Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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