The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
