ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
