I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
