I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
