I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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