Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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