Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
