White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
