Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
