I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
