everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
