You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
