I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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