Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
