plz talk dirty to me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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