What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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