Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
