I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Its about making memories worth repressing
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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