he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
