i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
