i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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