I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
