K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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