is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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