Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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