16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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