I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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