I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
