the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
