...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dear god my vagina.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
