I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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