Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
