all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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