his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
