Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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