Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
