this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
