Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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