I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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