The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
