There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
