how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
