Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
