I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
