Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
