Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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