when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
