Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
