Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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